I have had to think about posting this blog because it involves members of my family, who may not want their private lives splashed all over Blogger. However, none of you know them personally, they are just characters who occasionally feature in my ramblings: faceless and nameless (in the main) and so they shall remain. But nevertheless, I shall share my feelings and worries about recent events, as they are currently at the forefront of my thoughts
My daughter has been married for 13yrs and yesterday morning her husband left the house, suitcases in the back of his car, to begin, what I am told is, a trial separation . This is all with a view to making it more permanent , yes, we are talking divorce.
Their marriage has always been quite volatile, rather like one of those fairground rides that I never dare try, exciting and scarey with more than a hint of impending doom. They have had heated arguments which have always culminated in months of blissful happiness and fun , as though they needed to clear the air a little before they could move on. But just recently the shouting and screaming and crying has become almost continuous and , as I live in a self-contained 'granny flat ' on the lower floor of their 3 storey house , I hear more or less everything. There are no 'other parties' involved, it is purely a clash of personalities, differences of opinion about every little thing until it has become a huge gulf between them. I have watched my daughter become withdrawn and depressed and thin to the point of emaciation and the house has such a tense atmosphere you could cut it with the proverbial knife.
And so, dear readers, I have such mixed feelings about the break up. There are two children involved in all this mess, two kids who dearly love their parents and are heart-broken at the turn of events .My grand daughter cried herself to sleep last night. But is it for the best ? Perhaps it is. Just lately all they have seen and heard has been their beloved parents at each others throats, hearing their parents yelling terrible things that neither of them really mean , seeing their father sleeping on the sofa yet again. They have become unwilling pawns in this dreadful situation and are also the unhappy recipients of bad tempered rants, being told off for the slightest thing because their parents are so stressed. I am not taking sides, I am very fond of my son-in-law and he has always provided for his family to the best of his ability and has a very strong work ethic. I am well aware that my daughter can be difficult, I could have cheerfully strangled her during her teenage years ! But she is my daughter and I love her.
If they divorce it will mean the house has to be sold, which in turn will mean I have to move at a time when I thought I was settled. It will mean upheaval for the children, maybe different schools and new friends and there will be all the unpleasantness of the divorce and all the heartache that accompanies such a step. But won't it really be worth it ? In the long run, won't the children be happier in a home that no longer resembles a war zone , where hard hats no longer need to be worn ? lol
And so we all face an uncertain future as we begin 2012. Perhaps this trial separation will help and they will manage to work out their differences, maybe they can find a way back from here, who knows ? All I do know is that I am keeping out of it and only offering advice when asked . However, I must admit that last night and today it has been wonderfully calm and a feeling of peace has enveloped the house , so perhaps it is for the best...................... we shall see.