Farewell January.

                                   " January brings the snow, makes our feet and fingers glow"
So goes the old rhyme, anyway ! However, here on the  Eastern slopes of the  Pennines we have had no snow to speak of .... well just a few fleeting flurries, a few dustings of icing sugar....... nothing that you would expect from a  normal  January.

 Normal  January !! Is there such a thing ?  What would that be for you ?  Has the first month of the  New Year lived up to your expectations, your hopes and your dreams ? Did you make any resolutions or plans and , if so, are they being fulfilled ? How has  January treated you ?

I am not a great planner, I have quite a spontaneous personality and this has always made my life interesting ... if a little precarious !!  Oh, of course, I think through all the important decisions and business matters, but my personal life has always had more than its fair share of spontaneity and  joie de vivre , my heart often rules my head.  But this year I had planned and dreamed ! This year was going to be my year, the year I threw caution to the winds, thought  " To hell with everyone else ", and followed a carefully planned, brand new course !

Oh, how foolish was I, dear reader ? I am an incurable optimist , but right from the start January has conspired against me. This   New Year that promised so much has started so badly.  My daughter and her husband are planning a divorce, which means my apartment in her house will no longer exist once the marital home is sold. Already I am contemplating yet another move and all the disruption it brings; the packing, the chaos and all the difficult decisions which will have to be made.  Throughout January , illness has plagued the family and many of my friends and I worry about my husband's health, which seems to deteriorate by the day. Just last week I learned of the death of  a dear  Twitter friend, in what, I have discovered, was sad and distressing circumstances which I find  prey on my mind in the wee small hours. And then, of course, January 28th was my dear, departed sister Gillians's birthday and a year and 3 months since I lost her and this January, more than ever, I miss her and could use her support and wisdom right now. I'd love to hear her voice, telling me everything will be OK and then we would share a joke or some silly piece of gossipy nonsense and everything would  be  OK !

I realise, in the great scheme of things, my troubles do not amount to  'a hill of beans' ( to quote 'Casablanca' ) I know how many of you struggle with overwhelming difficulties every day and I am sorry about stressing over such trivia, please forgive me. But sometimes we all need to vent, to let out our feelings, that are so harmful when bottled up.  As we used to say about an  Aunt of mine, " It's being so miserable that makes her happy !"  Well, as you know, I am usually a cheerful person, my glass is always  'half full'. For every  down there has to , surely , be an up and , yes, I am fortunate in many ways. Although  January may not have been the wonderful start I had hoped for, I am blessed with a loving family and dear friends and also two particularly lovely people who are my beloved soul mates and  special support system, Lucy and Matt. As I said, I am an incurable optimist and believe that ,when you hit the bottom, the only way is up.

I intend to keep my promise to myself. This will  be my year but maybe not quite as I had planned. And so I am doing what I should have done in the first place; I'm throwing away the plan and trusting to fate, to spontaneity and grasping chances when I can and the downs I am experiencing at the moment will make the highs that much more appreciated.

And so, dear reader, I hope your January has  brought you all you hoped . That things are on course to make 2012  your year too.  But if not, remember what Oscar Wilde said,

                               " We may be lying in the gutter, but we are looking at the stars "

So we go forward into February and all it may have in store. Bring it on ............. !!